I’m sure you’ve heard it before – gain control of your life and everything will fall into place. I am a strong believer that having control over what happens to you is one of the most important aspects of a successful life.
Now, you’re probably thinking… we cannot control everything and thinking we can is unhealthy. And you are RIGHT. There are some things in life we cannot control (what other people say or do, others reactions and behaviors) but believe it or not, we can control what WE do and how WE react. So, understanding that important aspect of life can be very powerful.
There are so many people out there who believe that no matter what they do, that there is a fate for them. That if they are meant to get that job, it will somehow happen. If they are meant to marry that person, it will happen. While that sometimes might seem true… its really a hurtful mindset to have. It takes the power away from YOU and puts it in other people or “the universe.” This way, if something doesn’t work out we can say “oh well, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be” and we can move on feeling like the world has made a decision.
So maybe now you are thinking – Okay Deanna, that’s great and all but how do we change that mindset? How do we gain control of our lives?
So, the answer of course is not just black and white. Every person is different and therefore each person may need to take a different approach. However, I’m going to talk about 5 ways anyone could start changing their mindset and gain back the belief that they are in control.
AWARENESS OF THE MINDSET
The most obvious but sometimes the most difficult. We need to be aware that we are thinking this way before we can do anything to change it. Kind of like the saying “if it’s not broken don’t fix it” – if we don’t see a problem with our thinking then we won’t change it.
So, some easy ways to discover if you are thinking this way would be to look out for thoughts and phrases like:
- If it’s meant to be, it will be
- If I don’t try, I won’t fail
- The world works in mysterious ways
- I am leaving it up to fate
- I can’t do it, so why try
- I was born this way, I can’t change it
Once you discover these thoughts and phrases, you can start to be aware and make the decision to change that mindset (I know it’s easier said than done).
Next step is working on your confidence. Trying to change your mindset can be HARD, especially if you are lacking confidence. A way to grow your confidence is to try new things and be open minded to the outcomes. Visualizing yourself doing a task and planning for the potential outcomes can really help you gain confidence with a task.
For example – learning a new language. Understanding that this is a difficult task for most people and the chances are you will need to practice a lot, is really important in building confidence. Not only is this just a realistic mindset but it allows you to accept “failure” as part of the learning journey.
Like anything, setting goals can really help you make changes! I don’t know about you, but when I write something down I feel like I have to complete it! Setting SMART goals can be super helpful when it comes to changing your mindset because it keeps you accountable and its something you can measure and see.
For example, if the goal is to get a new job – you can give yourself a timeline, have a set list of places you are applying to, and set realistic expectations so you know what to do from the get go. If you have never had a job before maybe applying to be the executive manager at a corporate business isn’t going to be realistic. The idea of SMART goals is to have attainable, realistic outcomes so you can set yourself up for success which puts YOU in the drivers seat.
POSITIVE & REALISTIC SELF TALK
A big part of changing your mindset is changing that little voice in your head. Self talk can be SO TOXIC and you might be doing everything in your power to change but your inner voice is saying super negative things that keep holding you back.
Something I like to do for myself is to change that inner voice to my positive but realistic friend. We all have one right? The friend that is your bigger hype woman/man but also tells you what is realistic, in a nice way. I do this for myself now. Whenever I get that inner voice telling me that I’m going to fail miserably and embarrass myself I CHALLENGE IT. I start to question – what would make me fail, who actually cares about this other than me, what can I do to make it work, who can help me succeed, what is the big deal if this fails?
So, you’ve built up some confidence in yourself to take control of what you want, you’ve set some goals, and you’re trying to stay positive…. but what happens a week, a month, a year from now when something happens and ALL YOU WANT TO DO is blame the universe. Accountability is NEEDED! Like anything in life, its easier to make changes when someone is checking in with you.
If you have someone in your life who can check in on you, DO IT. I’m serious! This will make the whole process easier. If you make some changes to your mindset and then have someone every week or month send you that text asking how things are going you will make more of an effort to stay in control and make decisions that keep you in the drivers seat!
What do you guys think of these tips? I find that I need to remind myself often that I am in control of my life and its gives me so much motivation! It makes me feel unstoppable in a way which I love!!
Have a great day!!
With love, Deanna